VALLEY OF SHADOWS

Valley of the shadows

As many of you know I was miraculously healed in April 2005 after almost fifteen years of being dependent on wheelchair and crutches due to pain and nerve compression from spondylolisthesis and endometriosis. It is so essential that I share with you how important my healing victory is to me. It meant freedom at last!

It meant being able to get back on my own feet again, not being so needy, not dependent on others, not having to wait for my children before I do anything, not being at the mercy of others, not needing to be scheduled by or penned into other people’s diary like an appendage.

Yes, this is freedom galore! Since I got healed, I have explored it. At first I began cautiously and carefully but eventually I became bolder, stronger and quicker on my feet.

Three years on I confess that my strength and limb power is just as vibrant now as it was in my hay days and I am loving it. I am much quicker, faster and strolling every day now in the Lord’s wonderful freedom where nothing is equal with me.

For years, many, many years I had been sad, sorrowful, fragile and at the mercy and whim of others. Though I am very grateful for that, I wanted not to be a burden to anyone. I had yearned for this very moment for a long time.

The taxi driver who used to pick me up for so long, seeing me the first time without a chaperone or wheel chair, was stunned to say the least. Are you sure you are well enough madam? He kept asking me.

I am fine my love, I said, God is great! God is great! Jesus is Lord I declared!

If you speak to anyone who is very sick right now, or to anyone who is dependent on their carers, they will tell you they also yearn for freedom like this. Not because they are ungrateful but because it is in all of us to be free. Praise God!

Those past years can only be described as walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Not death as in not breathing, but death as in being alive but not having the benefit of being free, able and independent to enjoy it to the fullest.

There are many types of death, but the worst kind is being imprisoned in your own body, where you watch all your dreams fade away, your ability curtailed, your dignity compromised, your freedom restricted, your choices dictated, living in constant sheer agony and pain, having your health arrested twenty-four seven, that to me is the valley of the shadow of death.

I know a thing or two about the valley of the shadow of death.

I have had numerous caesareans, laparoscopic surgeries, asthma attacks, laparatomies, hospitalizations, injections, epidurals, being under general anesthesia countless times, been close to death many times and said goodbye to my loved ones many times without the guarantee of seeing them again. To me that is living in the shadow of death.

It is the shadow of death when you live in constant depression, always having to pay for medical opinions, scared to travel on holiday in case your health takes a down turn whilst away from home.

It is the dark shadows when you become dependent on medications for relief or a sedative to cuddle you to sleep, Beclomethasone to keep your asthma at bay, carpal tunnel syndrome attacks which stop you from being able to write a single alphabet. Now, that to me that is the shadow of death.

It is being condemned to death when doctors refuse to treat you because you have not got the cash right there on the spot when you arrive at their clinic. For some doctors and hospitals, money is their God. When that happened to me, I felt I might as well be dead.

It is the shadow of death when doctors mistreat you, condemn you as insane and show you no sympathy. Often, you the patient can only sit there and watch their irritation as they are fed up of seeing you.

It is like death when you survive on prescriptions alone, when sorrow eats you up so bad and dark heavy shadows of depression dog you all lifelong. When going out is no longer attractive nor talking to people a pleasure, that is the valley of the shadow of death.

It is the valley of the shadow of death when those entrusted by Christ to heal you, apply balm to you, mend your broken bones, bind your wounds and reassure you turn around and dismiss you and are irritated by your mere presence.

It is hurtful death when they discriminate against you, see you as a nuisance because you need help and they can’t be bothered with you…Oh my dear friends that is sorrow that feels like death.

It feels like death when you see your little children needing you but you are too sick to lift a finger and you can’t even comb their hair without experiencing pain in your wrist and shoulders - Now that is awful, sorrowful living death.

It is death when you cannot cook your own food, because you cannot remain standing long enough to watch the kettle boil.

When you need others to lift you up and sit you down again, every time, everyday, every season even when you need the toilet. Oh I tell you my dear, that is the very shadow of death.

It is death when your self confidence is gone, when no one calls you up to ask your opinion about anything of importance because they feel you are just too sick, too vegetative, too slow to be part of the living and even your best friends quickly write you off. Let me tell you my dear, that is a slow form of death.

It is the saddest valley of the shadow of death when your own father dies and you are too ill, too sick, too disabled to go to his funeral, now my beloved people, that is worse than death.

It is suffocation, it is robbery, it is hopelessness. When you are so down, down, down and you begin to imagine that being dead is far better than being alive living a sick life, that is a sign of the shadow of death my friends.

When being disabled, living in pain and sickness limits your earning potential, yet the bills are piling up and you are in debt to your neck, mortgage or rent is threatening and bailiffs are calling at your door.

It is death when you cannot go out like everyone else and use your qualifications to get a job. O my beloved that is nothing but the darkest shadow of death. Why? Because it breaks you down, eats you up, eats away at your security and your sanity. It belittles you, frightens you, terrifies your little children and tears you to pieces. That is why!

When the sight of clinics, nurses, doctors and hospitals evoke fear inside you, tug at the base of your insecurity. When the sight and smell of medications are burdensome and seeing a prescription with your name on it becomes discomforting, that is as near to the valley of the shadow of death as you can get.

That is why right now, I am celebrating my healing, I am grabbing this victory with both hands. I am dancing and singing day and night to the Lord. I am praising Jesus non-stop!

The Psalmist wrote:
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for you art with me. Your rod and staff they comfort me…” (Psalm 23v4). And indeed it is true, for it is the power of the Lord that has sustained me through it all. Yes, I am snatching this freedom and I refuse to let it go!!

The author of “A Soul Conversation With My Father” in his piece ‘Let there be Light’ wrote and I quote:

"When you suffer injustice so unfair,
A pain so great your soul is aggrieved,
A hurt so deep that your heart bleeds,
Yet you endure it (like a slave in bondage),
Pouring it out to the Lord.
That is fasting!

When you took it on the chin for the Lord.
When with such pain they flogged you,
Run the plough through your back,
Hurt you with a gashing wound at heart
And yet you gave it to the Lord.
That is fasting!

When you took it on for the sake of his name.
You became one with him in your agony,
Suffering, shame, humiliation, hurt and degradation.
That is fasting!

Oh! My beloved child
O my child, you bore it all, giving it all to the him,
Bearing it in honour and in the dignity.
That is Soul fasting!”

Therefore, I pray that the Lord will give everyone going through their ‘soul fast’ the fortitude to bear their illness and discomfort with courage and dignity. May He grant you the strength to endure your journey through the valley of the shadows until you emerge with him into the Holy Light!

Believe me my dear, you shall emerge from your valley! You shall!!

Amen!
© By Pastor Jannet Hopewell
Extracted from her Book: Precious Miracle!
Contact Email: Editor@cheersmagazine.org

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