what next?

What Next?- Part 1

Checklist of 5 things to consider if you are a victim of Domestic Violence! 1. Make sure you and your children are safe from another beating. If your attacker has left the house but may come back, you should leave or call a friend to come stay with you. If your attacker is still in the house and you think he may batter you again, you should leave.

Go to a neighbor's house or call a friend or relative to come pick you up. You can also ask the police to take you to some safe place, or, at least ask them to let you know if there is somewhere you can go to get assistance.

Whenever you feel you are in danger, either leave or get someone you trust to stay with you. It is better to leave your home than to be seriously injured during a beating, even if you have to leave the house in the middle of the night. You may be embarrassed, but you will be safe and healthy.

This may be difficult if there are children in the house. If you fear for their safety, you must protect them. If that means staying in the house, you must stay in the house. If that means taking the children with you, then take the children with you. You may be at risk either way if he claims you were abusive.

But, if you don't protect your children, the results could easily be prison even if he is accused of child abuse. And, chances are, your term will be longer since you didn't do whatever was necessary to protect your children. This includes not reporting the child abuse when it first happens. The longer it goes on, the more you stand to lose. And, the longer you may be separated from your children.

2. Get medical attention.
Always get the medical attention you need after a battering. Don't try to patch yourself up. You may be hurt much worse than you realize. As soon as you can, see your private doctor or go to the emergency room of a hospital. It is best to tell the doctor and nurses what happened to you so they can note it in their records and you can use the records for future evidence. They are not required to call the police if you don't want them to, in most states. The most important thing is to get the medical care you need.

Note: That the American Medical Association has printed a series of booklets on Domestic Violence to teach those in emergency rooms how to recognize and treat domestic violence only towards women.

3. Save all the evidence (proof) you can of what happened to you.
As much as you are able to, you should save things which prove that you were attacked and how badly you were injured. Later, after your injuries have healed, you will need this evidence to get a court to help you. You should save the evidence even if you think you will never want to prove that this man beat you. You may change your mind later on and take him to court.

Try to get friends or someone to take color pictures of your injuries as soon as possible after the beating. Do not use old-style Polaroid film (the type that requires application of a liquid "fixer") because the pictures will fade. You can also ask the police to take you to the station to have pictures taken. Save any torn or bloody clothing. See a doctor after the beating and get a copy of your medical records. Ask the police for a copy of the report they make. (Note: in some areas you will need the report number before the police will release a copy, so be sure to get this information from the police making the report.)

All of these things are your proof of what happened to you. You may not think they are important now. But violence always escalates. And the next beating might be the last one, but if there are no records of previous attacks, it won't hold the same importance, regardless of its severity.

4. Primary Considerations
You must decide whether you want to take action or whether you want to stay in your present situation. For some women, battering is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. For others, it becomes a pattern of abuse. What you do depends on your situation. You can either: move out, kick him out, or stay where you are. You also can choose to defend yourself.

5. Moving out.
You do not have to stay with your partner/husband. You can move out. If you have children, you can take them with you. Read the section below on taking your children it if applies to you.

6. Where to Go?
If you can stay with a woman friend or with relatives, then do so. Do not stay with a man who lives alone, unless he is your brother. Going to stay with your mother or grandmother is a good option. Living with a man you are not married to could hurt your chances of getting custody of your children.

Battered shelters do exist and you can go with your children for a temporary stay. The staff can help you get legal, financial and medical help. You will also have an opportunity to talk with others who have been abused. And, while there are some different patterns of abuse, all the victims suffer the same way.

Most shelters are free or very low cost. You can find a shelter by calling an emergency hotline in your community or a battered women's program. You can also ask the police for direction. If you take your children with you, try to give them as much stability as possible. Moving around a lot may not only adversely affect your children but may also affect your chances of getting custody.

7. What to take.
When you leave, try to take as many of the following items as you can. You may not be able to go back for these things later:

All the cash you can get hold of that belongs to you.
Identification for yourself.
Driver's license
Your birth certificate
Money or bonds or CD’s in the house
Pink slip to your car
Lease, rental agreement, house deed
Bank books
Check (Cheque) books
Credit cards
Insurance papers
Keys
Medications (Very Important)
Small salable objects
Address book
Pictures
Medical records (for the whole family)
Social security card
Medi-Cal cards
Welfare identification
Work permits
Green card(Where applicable)
Passport
Divorce/separation papers
Jewelry

If you're thinking about leaving, it would be a good idea to put these things together in one place where you can get to them in a hurry.

You may take anything that belongs to you alone and anything that belongs to you and your husband together. You can withdraw money you have in a joint bank account with your husband or boyfriend. You may not take anything that belongs only to your husband/partner and you may not destroy property that belongs to both of you.

If you do not take these things when you leave, you can ask the police to escort you back to your house at a later time and to wait while you get your things. The police will wait only a few minutes and will only let you take things that obviously belong to you or your children, such as clothing. Or, you can wait until your husband or boyfriend goes to work and then go into the house and get what you need.

However, if you do go back and your husband or boyfriend won't let you in, the police probably cannot force him to let you in without a court order.

8. Once you move.
Once you move, you should be careful about who you give your new address and phone number to. Your attacker may try to find you. Consider renting a post office box for your mail or using the address and phone number of a friend. Remember that hour partner/husband may try to get your new address or phone number from your children.

If you go to court, you can use a post office box or your lawyer's address as your address. If you give the District Attorney your address, he/she may give it to your attacker's attorney.

9. Taking your children. You can move out and take your children with you (unless their father has been given custody of them in a legal proceeding). If you can, it is best to take your children with you. If you feel you are in immediate physical danger and cannot take your children, leave anyway. This does not mean you will lose your right to get custody of your children. The question of permanent custody will be decided later by a judge.

Whether or not you take the children, if you want them with you, see a lawyer as soon as you can to get a temporary custody order. This gives you the right to keep your children until a judge orders differently in a divorce proceeding. Until one of you gets a temporary custody order, you each have equal rights to the children. It is important to get this temporary custody order before the children's father does.

Be careful who you leave your children with when you go out since their father may try to get them back. Try not to leave them in a place where their father can easily find them. To protect the children, notify the children's school of the problem and request that the children not be released to anyone except you. A temporary custody order also means that if the father does find and take your children, you may ask the police to help you get them back.

When seeking a temporary custody order, stress anything about your husband's conduct that would negatively affect the children's safety. Examples are a history of child abuse, drunk driving, alcoholism, or drug addiction.

If you do not have your children with you, it is very important to get the temporary custody order soon after you leave. The longer your children are with their father, the less likely it is that a court will give you custody.

If you have to leave without your children and you feel that they are in danger, call your county's Children's Protective Service Office (CPS) so that arrangements can be made for the removal of the children from the home to safety.

However, be aware that regaining custody of the children through the court might involve proof of your fitness as a parent and that it would be in the best interests of the children to be returned to your custody.

Act wisely! Act now!!....because life is PRECIOUS!